Just Rambling on

OK so why do always feel it is so much easier to listed to the bull shit from a pretty face and ignore the truth's of reality. My reality is I have 3 son's my oldest dose not like me ( He may Evan Hate me and his dad) he describes me to other's as a drunk and a druggie ( I don't drink and my kids have never seen me do drug's-I don't do them) and just all out no good He Say's his dad abused him that he would beat him for no reason, my son seems to blame me and his dad for a lot of his messes,
I still love my son and if he ever needs me I will be there for him I will never turn him away or his kids, I will also never lie to him. I don't like the man he has become, he is lazy ( his father never was he is a man who deals with his respocibiliys) he makes kids and dose not care for them, how can a man walk away from his kids, I just don't understand him. My second born son goes threw fazes where he loves me and then dislikes me,( he always loves his dad) he may dislike me but he never disrespects me. for the longest time I didn't understand him, I am learning to now. He has a good heart but it can also be hard
he can Evan be deliberately cruel I do have at times a hard heart but I have never been deliberately cruel.
my oldest son has 4 living kids 3 girls and 1 boy he See's and cares for none of them, he has a girl who was killed by her mother at 22 months of age this effected him not at all. He is very good at playing the emotion card on people but in truth I don't think he has any. My second son has 4 kids 2 girls and 2 son's his oldest son he has no contact with but he is at least finally paying child support for this awesome kid, Because he is not the center of his son's attention and his son's mother can no longer stand my son he has cut them out of his life he has nothing to do with them. He is married now with 3 kids from this woman and i have to admit that he is a good dad, He Love's these kids and cares for them, I may not like his life style but he takes care of his family. He works hard during the week and plays hard on the week ends, his 2 girls and his son will tell you that daddy is their best friend, I wish his oldest could say that.My youngest son is my enigma child this man is so hard to read but I know he loves me and his dad, he let's us know so little about his life, We Evan moved across country to be near him and I still know so little about him, But I do like the man he has become he works hard and never walks away from responsibility. How I managed to have 3 kids with such different perspectives on their responsibility's in this life I just don't know.