My Son.

I went home to live with my Hun and my parents they gave us two room's in the house they lived in, we were married 3 month's after my son's birth. People told him not to marry me that I was a slut a tramp and
junkie ( I sold but I never used-  I did smoke pot once or twice though), My neighbor Evan tried to set his daughter up with my Hun ( she was into my brother her dad didn't know).So on my wedding day every one in the neighbor hood was out side my house to see the whore who was married in white, His brother had evan threatend to speak against us at the wedding. well I left my house in my wedding gown my aunt had made (I still reamber nothing about how the patern was chosen or evan who planned the wedding)
I went along with every thing I stood where I was told said what I was told smiled when I was told, I did the whole day just the way they wanted me to ( i was knumb) all i cared about was that I was finnaly going to be with some one who loved me and would keep me safe ( how fucked was I). the first 5 years we fought so much, I looked for any one who would be kind to me my hun wasnt not kind but he was raised to keep a woman in line you beat her and he belived this I think for a while. I left him3 times in the first five years.
Can I pick any perticular reason why I left ,,NO I just hit a wall where I coul'nt go knumb so I left.
I always came back. one of our largest problems was his brother I hated this man ( he died recently and I could'nt cry for him) it mellowed over the years but I never grew to like him, my hun belived i had slept with him i never did, this man reaminded me to much of my uncle. the saddest of all was my hun brought him to  live with us ( talk about living in hell) we learned to be cival to each other over the years but I never learned to love him like the brother he was suppose to be.My hun would lash out at me when ever he felt i was out of line, if I said somthing wrong or dinner was not right or if he belived I had not feed the kids properly ( by year 5 we had 3 kids all boy's)if the house was not clean or food was not ready when he got home clothes clean what ever bothered him that day, of course acording to him I always asked for it and of course it was never his falt. (by now your asking why are you still with him) he also had his great moment's he never did good it was alway's great or bad no in between with this guy.He never for a moment let me belive I was not loved by him ( I was'nt trusted but I was loved). he would get me what ever I wanted all I to say was I like that and by the end of the week I had it. when he came home for lunch we would make love at this time and it felt so right.My world whent from day to day sunshine to pain and the best part was I didn't have to deal with people other than him, by this time in my life I trusted no one but him and I liked no one not evan my family, I just wanted him and there were time's where it hurt to think he didn't want me.